You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
