I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
