i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
