I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I puked a lego.
false alarm. still invincible.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
