You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
