JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
