The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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