Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
