once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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