How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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