Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
