This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
