Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you win again, gameday.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize