well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
