remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Are we still banned from the library?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
