A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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