I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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