I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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