Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
