i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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