you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
