the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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