he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
