dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize