Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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