i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
