so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Blow job season was short but glorious.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
