Rock
Scissors
Fuck
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
