Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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