I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
