Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
