it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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