You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
