you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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