just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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