I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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