I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
