This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
