First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
