Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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