Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize