I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize