Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
