Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
