I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
