I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
