I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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