They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my poor anus
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
