hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
