mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
