There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
