Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
