I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
