apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
