please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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