I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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