I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
