$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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