you guys were way drunker than both of me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
