I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
