yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
