Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
