So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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