I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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