Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
