Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
