What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
