I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it's like iHOP with fire
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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