It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
