so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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