I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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